Dear Phlummoxed,
An interesting question you pose. You didn’t tell me your birth date, but from the sounds of your letter, I would guess you’re a late-ish March baby…March 23rd perhaps. That places you on the cusp of Aries and Pisces, the first and last signs of the Zodiac. Arses, as I’ll call you and your honey, are very receptive to the needs of others and hate being alone (I guess it’s good you found each other!). You are all about fantasy, art, spirituality and impracticality; your heads are in the clouds and you’re very emotional. Arses are compassionate, sensitive and imaginative; you’re romantic and sentimental, and probably musically talented. Your favorite sports are aerobics and sailing, and you’re into holistic medicine.
Hopefully that all sounds familiar; I was an astrology major in college, so I’m pretty good at that stuff. So now to your question: “What does it mean if your date has the same birthday as you? And she didn't run off into the sunset at finding out such information...” Well, it means nothing that she has the same birthday as you. I have the same birthday as Prince, the Love Muscle/Mussell shares a birthday with Hannah Montana, and Uncle Cannonball Leg and My Trophy Boyfriend are birthday twins. There are a few more than 365 people on this planet, so chances are about 50/50 that there’s someone else out there with your birthday. However, because I can read between the lines, I’ll answer the question you were really trying to ask, which is, “Am I in love?”
Son, love is a many splendored thing; love lifts us up where we belong; all you need is love! And yet, you fear commitment and vulnerability—you think she’ll leave you because you share the same birthday? If she’s going to leave you, it’s more likely because she caught you mid-Jane Fonda aerobics routine with your leg stretched up to your ear while wearing her favorite thong over the threadbare leotard you bought at
Goodwill. But what you need to realize is that if she can’t appreciate you exactly the way you are, aerobics and all, she’s not the one for you anyway. So stop worrying about why she hasn’t run away yet and enjoy the perks of being with someone you’re so astrologically-aligned with.
Sincerely,
Dating Advice Columnist
p.s. I may not be in the business of advice much longer; I’m submitting my application tomorrow for a new life and a new job!
p.p.s. This little girl is the cutest future-hippie ever.
1 comment:
Wow, it's like I just read a book written about me...by me, but I didn't write it! It's creepy how absolutely spot on your advice is DAC, except for that fifty-fifty predication which can be forgiven as they clearly don't require astrology majors to know even the most basic of statistics. Thank you for your astounding insight, please, don't leave us, we'd be lost!
Sincerely,
No-Longer-Phlummoxicated
P.S. She also mentioned something called a "pierogi". Do you know what these are? I accused her of making stuff up, but apparently it's not fictional...
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